I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
