i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
4 words: hood of his car
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
