i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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