I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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