I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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