OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
