I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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