White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
