No awkward lesbian experiences without me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
