i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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