Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the condom got lost in my hair
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
