I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
