i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
