I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
