after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
