Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
