yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
