If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
