she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
