So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
