My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
