I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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