Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
