It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
