You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
