We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
