i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
