I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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