my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
