your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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