Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
