Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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