eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
