Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
