why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
