I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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