he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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