if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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