Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize