"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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