Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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