tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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