I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.