Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.