Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
