is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.