3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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