Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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