he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
