remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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