I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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