omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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