Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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