if you like me you must not know who I am
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
