Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
