my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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