Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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