I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
