I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
