I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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