You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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