I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
