I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We left the knife in your bed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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