awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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