Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
