I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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