He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
