I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
