I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's shark week go big or go home
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
