Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
