I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
